“How is the water?” said the person to the fish. “

“Water? What is water?” was the answer.

We swim in conflict all the time. We don’t notice it because it is all around us. Conflict is ubiquitous.

Think about conflict. You and your alarm in the morning. Conflict. The high price of living. Conflict. Should I stay or should I go? Conflict. Who washes the dishes tonight? Conflict. We swim in conflict all the time. From birth to the end of life. Conflict is all around us.

A small number of people are just innately good at resolving conflicts. Internal conflicts — No problem. Family conflict — Sure, I can manage. Conflicts at work — I know the right road to take. Community conflicts—I’ll handle these, piece of cake. Relationship conflicts—We will work it out, for sure. Political conflicts — I’ll be the peacemaker.

But. For most of us there’s a set of conflicts that are dilemmas. Swimming through certain conflicts feels like a murky struggle to just stay afloat. Or we spin around in a whirlpool of confusion, the flotsam and jetsam of our unresolved conflicts floating alongside to remind us of our past.

It’s helpful to know that everyone else is swimming through conflict too. That we can learn from one another and take solace in the shared human experience.

One approach is this: Instead of blocking out the conflicts all around you, take a conflict noticing approach. Keep a log of all the conflicts you notice in just one day. Don’t forget to look inward to notice the internal conflicts strolling around in your mind. Star the conflicts that you have handled successfully. Circle the ones you would like to do better with in the future. Underline the ones that you have questions about.

Congratulations. Pat yourself on the back. You now have the start of your conflict resolution lesson plan. You are among the very few who are working to improve their approach to conflict. You are taking a pro active approach and teaching yourself what you should have learned in second grade. It is never too late to learn.

Next blog: The Unresolved Conflict Hoarder — yeah you!

Here’s another blog about conflict all around us. https://thesistersofindustry.com/writings/disagreeing-well/

copyright 2021 Sara Barnes